the B{enc}LOG

slow walking to an epiphany one day at a time

I will never understand how and why, after all this time, you still live inside. To you, I am nothing but a hollow body of bones where you poured a smidgen of your being into. Yet, it appears I am forever taken by you. You live through me and I by you. I am as every bit inclined, endeared and in never-ending adornment of your shadow. Pity. You bring me nothing but bitter longing and painful happiness. You’re so beautiful that it hurts. You’re so happy that it saddens my life. You’re so open and so oblivious to me all at the same time. You’re the standard of my life’s content - unattainable and immeasurable. Wherefore, my foolish crusade I shall concede.

To the one I never had, the fight I never fought, the love never realized, the turned ear to whom I sing my songs, the bearer of my sins, the spirit in my flesh:

Hie thee hence, my biggest regret. You were my first and this shall be the last: I only long to hear one day that you have lived and loved your life as I have many times once.

From this point onward, I promise that I shall with mine - apart from you.

It is always amazing how we perfectly understand that we are no longer the same people we used to be. However, when we do get the time to stop for a moment and talk about even the most mundane things, the past ultimately catches up to us. Before we even notice it, we are back being the kids we were - actually, the kids we still are.

—Shattered

In lieu of the upcoming season of Lent and since I’ve nothing to write about and I got bored in the bathroom recently, one of those songs that never gets old to me ever since I took a chance and first hearkened to it.

The Words:

And I’ve lost who I am / And I can’t understand / Why my heart is so broken / Rejecting your love. / Without love gone wrong / Lifeless words, carry on / But I know / All I know is that the end’s beginning / Who I am from the start / Take me home to my heart / Let me go and I will run / I will not be silenced / All this time spent in vain / Wasted years, wasted gain / All is lost / Hope remains / And this war’s not over / There’s a light / There’s a sun / Taking all the shattered ones / To the place, we belong / And His love will conquer / Yesterday, I died / Tomorrow’s bleeding / Fall into Your sunlight. 

being bored is the worst. you get too much time torturing yourself with your own thoughts.

(via miss-noeq)

this, i can attest to.

Repressing anger should not be equated to patience. Oftentimes, it becomes the little rock you pile upon other rocks to create your own mountain of hate. The longer you keep piling up and pushing aside those rocks, the steeper the mountain gets. And, the higher the mountain soars, the darker the shadow it casts. And, the longer you keep yourself in the dark, all the more embittered your soul becomes.

The fact that you even bothered yourself being angered in the first place illustrates the shortness of your capacity to accept and tolerate. Be wary, be careful.

There are only two directions in life: to grow up or shrink back.

When you’ve found that you’ve become so good at being alone and have constantly found it natural to shun others out, you should be scared of yourself. Independence is one thing but to be chronically distrustful is extremely troubling and utterly exhausting.

You may not be as extroverted as many others are, but you also need people in your life. People may be one thing or another, but that doesn’t mean you should ostracize them. Learn from them. Accept that there are things you cannot change. Treasure the ones that celebrate you. Be open to those who simply tolerate you. Be as kind as possible to those who antagonize you. After all, the world is a huge place; it was never meant to be your own little fortress of solitude. You’re not Superman. You’re just man.

If you come to think of it, this world would be all the more chaotic and unbearable when it’s just all to yourself, don’t you think?

Plans, dreams and aspirations will help light your way but it is perseverance and hard work that will pave your road. If you’re scared of doing something you know you must face, don’t back down easily. Don’t run. If you really want it, there’s only one thing you can do - do it afraid.

I sometimes agree and I don’t even know what I am agreeing with.